Way to Raise the Bar, CNN!

This morning, whilst waiting for my shitty McDonalds breakfast to be shat out some machine, I was watching CNN. One of their stories was about how a drunk and passed out man had been found on Google Earth or Google Maps. Not only was this newsworthy, but they decided to hunt this guy down and get a quote from him. Apparently he was mourning after a friend's funeral and fell down in his yard striking a pose similar to that of the DRI mascot.
I had to check to see if we weren't watching the Onion Network. We weren't.
So CNN has finally thrown in the towel and become a 19-year old's blog. Great. Way to keep it real. News is happening and this somehow makes it through the filters.
I swear, if I see Wolf Blitzer doing a newscast from his bathroom about clipping his beard, I will destroy something.
"Dude, I was snipping my mustache with, like, these little scissors, right? And I TOTES [eyes roll back to emphasize the TOTES] snipped my septum. That shit was like fuckin' "Ouch!" dude. Right? Lolz all you want, but that, like, totally ruined my morning."
Yeah. I won't be surprised, and blood will flow. No wonder we are a country of mollycoddled retards.