Dick on a Ledge

NW 21st and Northrup, Northrup Food Center (R.I.P.)

Part 8

Part 7

Part 6

O-yeah

So I just walked out of Obama's history making speech. Why? Was it to irritate the moveon.org people that were there? Was it cuz I had to pee and ran out of beer? Was it cuz I didn't give a damn? Probably a bit of all of those, but really it was because I just can't buy into this cult of personality. Call me jaded if you will, but really, what did the man say that A) we didn't know already, and B) we hadn't heard from 100 other politicians, Democrat and Republican, prior to him? Working class, common folk, health care, education, Kenyan immigrant (OK, I'll give him that one), etc etc etc. Five'll get you ten that McCain's speech is going to say the same shit with different words.
Obama is a good speaker, and even if we hadn't been assaulted with 8 years of some yapping dipshit who had a sociopath for a puppetmaster, he would still sound good. But really, why am I supposed to get all wound up over words of hope from someone else? Bush saud the same shit. Clinton did. Regan did. Granted, the Republicans have seemingly done all they could do to face rape us every time they get into office (by us I mean broke dick alcoholics), no one wants to remember Clinton and his errors. Why bitch about Republicans sending jobs overseas when Clinton signed NAFTA? Are they splitting hairs? Cuz I'll give them the split hairs that those jobs just went south of the border, not overseas.
Anyhoo, bottom line is I skipped out. What would have been my ideal speech, instead of predictable regurgitation? If Obama had come out and said, "Alright, let's do this! Let's get this shit started!" Then he would have thrown a lit M-80 into a prop mailbox and ran offstage as everyone cheered when the fucker blew up. The people in the front row would have gotten some shrapnel wounds and free health care for their problems.
I would vote then.
But another speech of this and that? I'll just say that I'll think about it.

part 5

Part 4

Part 3

More U of P

Wow

I was having a zen moment yesterday standing on the St. John's bridge. It's a pretty awesome bridge. I don't know how tall it is but if you jumped off of it you would explode on the surface of the river I am pretty sure.
Anyhoo, I had stopped and was taking a breather, taking in the view, and a flock of geese flew by in a loose V-formation. It was pretty stellar and for a second I couldn't figure out what it was about the event that struck me and then it hit me:
Flocks of geese are commonplace, but rarely does one ever pass directly under you.
And that is what happened, and it kinda blew my mind.
There, this hippy post is finished.

Behind University of Portland

I heard about this place from Mary's neighbor and I had to go see it immediately. I don't know what it was but now it is a few giant structures that have been abandoned along the Willamette River. It is bordered by a Superfund site, so good times can be had here if you love creosote. Some industrious folks brought in some cement and made a mini-skate park and even better the place is RIFE with awesome graffiti. The next few posts will be pics that I took at the place. I hope you enjoy it.

It was as awesome as you would expect it to be.

A Swell Place for a Quickie

Behind the Two Point Inn,
Gloucester and Lombard,
Smell the Mess, Urine,
Old Semen and a Crumpled Rock Star Can,
Two Feral Cats and 157 Cigarette Butts.

Nature Finds a Way

Portland Bike Lanes, Part 6

I call this one "The Suicide Bomber."

WTF?!

I can't decide whether this is hilarious, tragic, or just plain old wrong.

Portland Bike Lanes, Part 5

Fashion Q. Mart, Junior Jr.

The iPOD shuffle apparently wants me to be missing and thinking of you today.
So I am.
I miss you, ferociously.

Portland Bike Lanes, Part 4

Hot Squirrel

I was at my friend Amanda’s house the other day and it was what you could call “sweltering.” For Portland, some would consider 68 degrees hot, but this was a real hot, upwards of late 90’s, which doesn’t happen all that often. I was hanging out with her and her fella at the house they just bought, drinking beer and lounging in the backyard before heading off to dinner and a movie (Mars, the fella, would get hammered, as we all did, and insist that he could run about 40 yards down the street to a building that he had in his line of sight, bounce up the wall and end up on the roof in under 90 seconds. I was prepared to drop $100 against him, but luckily Amanda stepped in and shut the whole game down with reason and logic. In the process she also proved herself to be a fucking wet blanket of extraordinary magnitude. You wait until you leave town, woman. Then it’s on).
Anyhoo, prior to the shat-upon parcour party, we were lounging in the backyard and this squirrel showed up on their neighbor’s fence. We wondered if it was sick or dying, but it became clear that it was just hot. Every five minutes or so it would prop up its back-end and push itself a few inches forward as I assume that particular part of fence lost its cooling properties—it just skootched along, front arms dangling as they are in the pic. At one point another squirrel crept up the fence and came up behind it, but Hot Squirrel just glanced lazily over its shoulder as if to say, “C’mon, it’s too hot for that kind of shit.” And it worked. Playful Squirrel left Hot Squirrel to lounge. It was nothing short of hilarious. I wish I had a better camera to give you better pics, but as they say, you can shit in one hand and wish in the other and see which one fills up first.

Way to Raise the Bar, CNN!

This morning, whilst waiting for my shitty McDonalds breakfast to be shat out some machine, I was watching CNN. One of their stories was about how a drunk and passed out man had been found on Google Earth or Google Maps. Not only was this newsworthy, but they decided to hunt this guy down and get a quote from him. Apparently he was mourning after a friend's funeral and fell down in his yard striking a pose similar to that of the DRI mascot.
I had to check to see if we weren't watching the Onion Network. We weren't.
So CNN has finally thrown in the towel and become a 19-year old's blog. Great. Way to keep it real. News is happening and this somehow makes it through the filters.
I swear, if I see Wolf Blitzer doing a newscast from his bathroom about clipping his beard, I will destroy something.
"Dude, I was snipping my mustache with, like, these little scissors, right? And I TOTES [eyes roll back to emphasize the TOTES] snipped my septum. That shit was like fuckin' "Ouch!" dude. Right? Lolz all you want, but that, like, totally ruined my morning."
Yeah. I won't be surprised, and blood will flow. No wonder we are a country of mollycoddled retards.

Portland Bike Lanes, Part 3

They DO sleep!

I just moved into a studio apartment, no more roommates! Another plus is that I don't have the internet anymore so I can actually get things done, like write, make music, or read a book.
The downside of course is that when something pops into my head, a question or whatnot, something i NEED to have the answer to, I can't get it answered immediately, which I suppose, realistically speaking, is a good thing.
Anyhoo, don't ask why but the other night it just popped into my head:
Do hummingbirds sleep?
I mean, they must. And they have nests, and they lay eggs, but I have never seen one sleeping before. It took three days before I could get to this cafe and find out.
They do sleep, and apparently they have some pretty cute nests too.
And, apparently they can get fucked up by insects! DAMN!
Now to find a picture of a baby pigeon, something else I have never seen.

Portland Bike Lanes, Part 2

Dear Young People:

Dn’t frgt yr vwls. Thy r vry vry vry mprtnt.

Jujo del Toro!

Jujo, the only animal I will share a popsicle with. He has the feet of a squirrel, the attitude of a grumpy old man, the body of a chihuahua, and the penis of a pack mule.
VIVA EL JUJO!

Portland Bike Lanes, Part 1