22.4.08

Sound Advice?

I bought a banana the other day at Whole Foods down in the Pearl. I was hungry, it would do the trick, and it's the only place you can get a banana that wasn't picked and put in the produce aisle 3 months before it was ready to eat.
So I was eating it out front and some tweaker-type guy (you know the type: 45-years old on a kids BMX bike, perpetual greyed whiskers and a cigarette in the mouth, mesh cap, some faded and crusted t-shirt) was unlocking his child bike and looked at me and said, "Never let your father see you eat a banana."
I just looked at him, half a mouth of unchewed banana in my mouth. I had no idea what he was talking about. Did he think my dad had a potasium allergy, a phobia to the color yellow, a... OH!
Then it struck me as he pedalled away. All I could offer as a come back or a resonse was a stupefied, "Huh?"
It was a slow day. If I were quicker on the draw I could have thrown back the fact that he probably sucked on a cigarette more than I chewed on bananas. Let's hope I never get into a line of work where I have to deal with hecklers.

2 comments:

Amanda said...

In no particular order:
1)That tweaker probably recognized you for the teaser bitch that you are, and simply proceeded accordingly.
2)I love the labels for this post.
3)Did you know I was born in the Year of the Monkey? And Penny Pete used to call me (and everyone else in Arcata) a "silly monkey"? (Neither of which is in any way connected to my love for eating bananas, alone or in front of my dad, God, and everyone. Just FYIs.)
4)If you need practice replying to heckles, we should just hang out more often. I'm here for you, Dan. Here to get drunk and rain heckles down upon ye, that is.

Unknown said...

once upon a time, i tried to eat a chocolate-dipped frozen banana in the food court at the bayshore mall. Tried, I say, but eventually I was shamed into throwing it away by my developmentally disabled companion, who found it obscene.