Excerpt...

So I just finished an internet book called John Dies in the End. It was pretty damned good, full of just the right amounts of riduculous humor and left-field horror/weirdness. The writer, David Wong writes for Cracked magazine, of all things. Anyhoo, it's good and if you don't have $16 to spend on the book, and care nothing for your eyesight, and have a sweet ergonomic chair, I would recommend it. I just started his unfinished sequel and thought I'd give an excerpt as I can do nothing but agree 1000% with his words here. This bit really has nothing to do with the story... I mean, it does, but it doesn't relay any pertinent info. It is just a great passage that resonated with me as he put into words something I have always thought, but never sat down to actually scribble out before, and had I, it would have not been nearly as accurate as this.

As you may guess from this, I have a deep-seated terror of any spider that weighs in at over half-a-pound:

There exists in this world a spider the size of a dinner plate, a foot wide if you include the legs. It's called the Goliath Bird-Eating spider, or the "Goliath Fucking Bird-Eating Spider" by those who have actually seen one. It doesn't eat only birds - it mostly eats rats and insects - but they still call it the "Bird-Eating Spider" because the fact that it can eat a bird is probably the most important thing to know about it. If you run across one of these things, like in your closet or crawling out of your bowl of soup, the first thing somebody will say is, "Watch it, man, that thing can eat a fucking bird." I don't know how they catch the birds. I know the Goliath Fucking Bird-Eating Spider can't fly because if it could, it would have a different name entirely. We would call it "Sir" because it would be the dominant species on the planet. None of us would leave the house unless a Goliath Fucking Flying Bird-Eating Spider said it was okay.

So, go read it, and watch out for big fucking spiders...