Top 10 Albums

I was required to answer this question the other day as I applied for yet another non-paying writing job for some shitty magazine that I would probably never read.
Of course, the list is never going to be written in stone, and its worth and validity can be argued endlessly (meet me at Goldrush Coffee on MLK and we'll do it in person. It's a date!), but for all intents and purposes, this is a complete list that is valid for, well, this moment. Give me 15 minutes, it'll change.

1) Mercury Rev "Deserter’s Songs"–This is just a serene album, it makes you feel perfect, pretty, centrally located, and infused with a faint throbbing purple light that originates somewhere deep in the pituitary gland.
2) Tom Waits "Closing Time"–When I finally get around to drinking myself to death or intentionally snapping my heart into two jagged and rusted pieces, this album will be playing in the background.
3) Lou Reed "Transformer"–Even if the majority of this album were complete monkey shit, which it isn’t, but if it were, it would still be worth buying for the song ‘Perfect Day.’ It may be the most perfect song ever crafted by junky or by teetotaler.
4) Squarepusher "Big Loada"–It’s as if ENIAC himself fell out of a 15 floor window and landed square on my head. Thanks IBM, and thank you drugs for making an electronic album that is capable of giving you an aneurism and a 30 point boost in your IQ all at the same time.
5) Napalm Death "Scum"–It was the first. What else can you say? No one had done anything like this before. Sure, it was followed up by 11 million metric tons of shit, a fraction of it from the very same band, but this was a moment in history, when parents found out that maybe Ozzy Osbourne wasn’t that bad after all.
6) Controlled Bleeding "Phlegm Bag Spattered"–When you really want to get those fucking people out of your house, NOW, this is all you need. Makes Napalm Death sound like a Frank Sinatra back-up band. You’ve got to give them credit for not even considering melody or structure. Just one big sonic ‘Fuck You.’
7) Third Eye Foundation "Ghost"–Yet another sign that electronic music doesn’t have to suck. It can have as much heart and soul as any organic album out there. And this is one of the spookiest albums I own.
8) Elton John "Greatest Hits"–The first one, with all the great songs. Him and Bernie wrote 7500 songs and most all of them sucked, but the sun shined on their asses at least 11 times, and when it shined it fucking shined like a supernova on overdrive. Awesome sing-a-longs, ‘Goodbye Yellow Brick Road,’ and a big ol’ load of nostalgia. I listen to this album 15 times a week and still love it.
9) Bonnie "Prince" Billy "Get the Fuck on Jolly Live"–This album punches me in the heart every goddamned time. It’s the most tender, sincere album I’ve ever heard in my entire miserable live. If you haven’t heard it, you’re not alive.
10) P.J. Harvey "Rid of Me"–One always suspected that chicks could really, really rock in ways never before witnessed, and this hit it home. Polly has a bigger dick than any man in the universe, and that makes her so fucking bitchen that if I were to fully realize the extent of her awesomeness, my neck would snap.