Things I Have Learned in the Past Four Days...

- The new Killers album has some pretty awesome songs on it but the three songs that suck HARD obscure that fact
- If you get REEEEEAAALLLYY drunk and crash your bike into a parked car at 1 AM and try to claim that you did it on purpose you must, MUST, crash purposely into two other cars at a modest speed to prove this claim
- Crashing into two other parked cars at modest speed may break one's front brake
- If one crashes into three parked cars in one night, God will be mad and send an Arctic blast up from hell and snow on the entire city to let you know that such behavior is not smiled upon
- Biking in snow is funny, especially when it is twenty degrees outside and you have only one brake
- The Killers CAN'T do disco, but they can do Crisco... there is a difference
- When riding in snow, stick to the middle of the street where cars have made the surface icy and smooth. Anything deeper than half an inch will try to kill you. And when riding in the middle of the street, make no sudden stops and if you have to make any turns, do everything in your power to begin that turn 300 yards before the corner. Be comfortable with the fact that you are going to eat shit, and if you have half a brain, take a cab or a bus. If you insist on biking, know how to laugh at terror and pain. Some people may label you as hardcore and it is entirely up to you whether to let them believe this or to correct them and let them know that you are in fact an idiot with shit for brains and a mild death wish
- Dubai has been, is, and probably always will be a hotbed of insanity. It is a country populated solely by those kids that you knew who had parents who funded their drug habits and never understood why you couldn't stay up until 6 AM with them doing Oxycontin lines because you actually had to work for your money
- To the #75: when it is 15 degrees outside it is NEVER OK to be 35 minutes late. I understand that there are severe extenuating circumstances, but know that every stop you pull up next to whilst being so incredibly tardy there are at least three people who have been fantasizing about firebombing the bus stop and would probably stab you if they thought they could get away with it
- Sometimes, if you have been holding it for long enough, pissing can be just as awesome as an orgasm or finding an image of Lil' Eight Pound, Four Ounce, Baby Jesus in the tread of a roadkilled tabby
- Sometimes it takes 10 assholes with backwards baseball caps to play one pool game at the table next to you. This may be some strange Eastern European version of pool, but it won't change the fact that no one will understand why some people are compelled to wear backwards baseball caps at night
- McMennimans sucks
- Urine may or may not taste like San Jose tap water
- Stickers, no matter HOW brilliant and homemade will absolutely not stick to metal when it is twenty degrees outside
- Friends make life worth living