These things are like tanks. Or upturned porcelain bathtubs. If there is ever an atomic blast and I am in the vicinity of the Matador I am jumping into one of these beasts. I also like how the flushing mechanism works on both of them at once.
30.12.08
The Matador, NW Burnside
These things are like tanks. Or upturned porcelain bathtubs. If there is ever an atomic blast and I am in the vicinity of the Matador I am jumping into one of these beasts. I also like how the flushing mechanism works on both of them at once.
28.12.08
27.12.08
Don't remember where, but it's still a valid question
"What in God's name went awry betwixt "White Rabbit" and "We Built this City"?
26.12.08
25.12.08
Merry Effin' Christmas!!!
Jujo and I wish you all a Merry Effin' Christmas.
Our plan is to either each drink a 40 of PBR or leave them for Santa, hoping that he gets shithoused so Jujo can bite him in the baby goblins and whilst he writhes in pain, I steal all the bacon products from his bag.
Either way, here's to you and yours. We love you all!
24.12.08
Snow Days
What does one do on snow days? Hell if I know. This is as good an answer as any.
Please Portland, bring back the rain! This snow gear makes me look fat!
[photos by Windy]
Please Portland, bring back the rain! This snow gear makes me look fat!
[photos by Windy]
Jujo!
I am dogsitting Jujo for the week.
He likes his PBR. He is a Portland Puppy, tried and true.
Hopefully I can get him to share. But as you can see, from the Eastwoodesque squint, he is going to be a hard nut to crack. A heart of ice, this dog has.
23.12.08
FROZEN BIKE!
So, since Sunday got too deep to bike in I locked Ye Ol' Steed to the fence. She is now frozen into about 4 inches of ice and a few more of snow. I can't move her at all. Tomorrow I may try to dump some warm water gently onto the surrounding area to bust the damned thing loose. I hope it doesn't end up popping my tire or bending my rims.
We'll see.
And yeah, that's not frost you see on the bike... it is about a quarter of an inch of ice.
Sheesh.
22.12.08
21.12.08
20.12.08
Laurelhurst Theater
"Is it a cantalope or a wontalope? Cuz one isn't able and the other just flat out refuses. I must know! Of course, if it turns out to be an antelope, we're all screwed."
15.12.08
Things I Have Learned in the Past Four Days...
- The new Killers album has some pretty awesome songs on it but the three songs that suck HARD obscure that fact
- If you get REEEEEAAALLLYY drunk and crash your bike into a parked car at 1 AM and try to claim that you did it on purpose you must, MUST, crash purposely into two other cars at a modest speed to prove this claim
- Crashing into two other parked cars at modest speed may break one's front brake
- If one crashes into three parked cars in one night, God will be mad and send an Arctic blast up from hell and snow on the entire city to let you know that such behavior is not smiled upon
- Biking in snow is funny, especially when it is twenty degrees outside and you have only one brake
- The Killers CAN'T do disco, but they can do Crisco... there is a difference
- When riding in snow, stick to the middle of the street where cars have made the surface icy and smooth. Anything deeper than half an inch will try to kill you. And when riding in the middle of the street, make no sudden stops and if you have to make any turns, do everything in your power to begin that turn 300 yards before the corner. Be comfortable with the fact that you are going to eat shit, and if you have half a brain, take a cab or a bus. If you insist on biking, know how to laugh at terror and pain. Some people may label you as hardcore and it is entirely up to you whether to let them believe this or to correct them and let them know that you are in fact an idiot with shit for brains and a mild death wish
- Dubai has been, is, and probably always will be a hotbed of insanity. It is a country populated solely by those kids that you knew who had parents who funded their drug habits and never understood why you couldn't stay up until 6 AM with them doing Oxycontin lines because you actually had to work for your money
- To the #75: when it is 15 degrees outside it is NEVER OK to be 35 minutes late. I understand that there are severe extenuating circumstances, but know that every stop you pull up next to whilst being so incredibly tardy there are at least three people who have been fantasizing about firebombing the bus stop and would probably stab you if they thought they could get away with it
- Sometimes, if you have been holding it for long enough, pissing can be just as awesome as an orgasm or finding an image of Lil' Eight Pound, Four Ounce, Baby Jesus in the tread of a roadkilled tabby
- Sometimes it takes 10 assholes with backwards baseball caps to play one pool game at the table next to you. This may be some strange Eastern European version of pool, but it won't change the fact that no one will understand why some people are compelled to wear backwards baseball caps at night
- McMennimans sucks
- Urine may or may not taste like San Jose tap water
- Stickers, no matter HOW brilliant and homemade will absolutely not stick to metal when it is twenty degrees outside
- Friends make life worth living
- If you get REEEEEAAALLLYY drunk and crash your bike into a parked car at 1 AM and try to claim that you did it on purpose you must, MUST, crash purposely into two other cars at a modest speed to prove this claim
- Crashing into two other parked cars at modest speed may break one's front brake
- If one crashes into three parked cars in one night, God will be mad and send an Arctic blast up from hell and snow on the entire city to let you know that such behavior is not smiled upon
- Biking in snow is funny, especially when it is twenty degrees outside and you have only one brake
- The Killers CAN'T do disco, but they can do Crisco... there is a difference
- When riding in snow, stick to the middle of the street where cars have made the surface icy and smooth. Anything deeper than half an inch will try to kill you. And when riding in the middle of the street, make no sudden stops and if you have to make any turns, do everything in your power to begin that turn 300 yards before the corner. Be comfortable with the fact that you are going to eat shit, and if you have half a brain, take a cab or a bus. If you insist on biking, know how to laugh at terror and pain. Some people may label you as hardcore and it is entirely up to you whether to let them believe this or to correct them and let them know that you are in fact an idiot with shit for brains and a mild death wish
- Dubai has been, is, and probably always will be a hotbed of insanity. It is a country populated solely by those kids that you knew who had parents who funded their drug habits and never understood why you couldn't stay up until 6 AM with them doing Oxycontin lines because you actually had to work for your money
- To the #75: when it is 15 degrees outside it is NEVER OK to be 35 minutes late. I understand that there are severe extenuating circumstances, but know that every stop you pull up next to whilst being so incredibly tardy there are at least three people who have been fantasizing about firebombing the bus stop and would probably stab you if they thought they could get away with it
- Sometimes, if you have been holding it for long enough, pissing can be just as awesome as an orgasm or finding an image of Lil' Eight Pound, Four Ounce, Baby Jesus in the tread of a roadkilled tabby
- Sometimes it takes 10 assholes with backwards baseball caps to play one pool game at the table next to you. This may be some strange Eastern European version of pool, but it won't change the fact that no one will understand why some people are compelled to wear backwards baseball caps at night
- McMennimans sucks
- Urine may or may not taste like San Jose tap water
- Stickers, no matter HOW brilliant and homemade will absolutely not stick to metal when it is twenty degrees outside
- Friends make life worth living
11.12.08
Fine, Happy Frickin' Birthday
Now let's not speak of this any more. Sorry Mom and Dad. This is not what anyone would consider living up to their fullest potential.
But at least it is fun...?
10.12.08
Bombed Trucks!
15th and Carolina
San Fransisco, CA
and the bathroom at Thee Parkside,
1600 17th Street
San Fransisco, CA
9.12.08
JESUS H(ersevort) CHRIST! REALLY?!
Three days before Thanksgiving, I get a flat in my rear tire.
Fix it.
One day after Thanksgiving I get a flat in my rear tire again.
I swear, take the tube out, and find a tiny thorn that eluded me from the first flat on the inside of the tire. I cut my finger on it, pull it out, call it a choice word or two, walk seven blocks to the store and get two tubes.
Come back, replace the tube. Those little tire pryers are made of plastic, which means they break. I hadn't replaced the last ones that snapped on me and am using a butter knife and a miniature and utterly useless screwdriver in lieu of proper tools.
Of course, I end up popping the new tube because of these tools that were made for other things.
I swear.
Pull the tube off, hang it on my bathroom door knob with three other dead tubes and gingerly put a new tube on.
It works, and I am an hour late meeting my friend.
Halfway betwixt downtown and my house, I run over a piece of glass and blow out my front tube.
I swear, try not to cry, take the MAX to downtown and right into the throngs of Day After Christmas sale monkeys.
Fight my way through crowds, go to gas station, replace tube, and all is well.
OK.
Come out of the club at 3 AM on Saturday... got a goddamned flat in the rear tube.
Luckily Mary is there and she gives me a ride home after I dismantle my bike to fit it into her Prius.
Fix the tube, find the business end of what can only be described as a 3" staple inside of my tire. It was a flawless puncture, went right in with no hemming or hawing.
I wonder what it is that I have done to deserve this.
Tonight, three days after club night, I am riding over the Burnside bridge to meet for a burger party with Mary. I have an actual blowout. My rear tube EXPLODES, scaring the holy hell out of me. I sense metal flapping around my ankles and wonder, as I say "What the FUCK?!?!?!", if I had popped all of my spokes. If I did then this would be the second time, and I am out $35 for a new rim, AGAIN.
The blast is so formidable that the bike actually kicks a few degrees sideways and I half expect to flip over.
I stop, look down, and see a 4" nail sticking out of my tire. I pull it out and look at it in disbelief.
Really?! A NAIL!
I throw it down onto the ground so that I can run it over again in three days.
Walk to the Slo Bar, eat a burger, get ANOTHER ride home, and fix the cur'sed thing.
Really, what in the hell is going on?
I blame the rain, to certain degree, for sluicing all of the street garbage to the side and right into the bike lane.
I also blame people who can't seem to drive in the rain and have been crashing into various moving and stationary objects with more frequency. It would appear that the police and/or tow truck drivers are not paid to sweep up the glass and shrapnel from said accidents.
It is up to me and my bike tires.
Fix it.
One day after Thanksgiving I get a flat in my rear tire again.
I swear, take the tube out, and find a tiny thorn that eluded me from the first flat on the inside of the tire. I cut my finger on it, pull it out, call it a choice word or two, walk seven blocks to the store and get two tubes.
Come back, replace the tube. Those little tire pryers are made of plastic, which means they break. I hadn't replaced the last ones that snapped on me and am using a butter knife and a miniature and utterly useless screwdriver in lieu of proper tools.
Of course, I end up popping the new tube because of these tools that were made for other things.
I swear.
Pull the tube off, hang it on my bathroom door knob with three other dead tubes and gingerly put a new tube on.
It works, and I am an hour late meeting my friend.
Halfway betwixt downtown and my house, I run over a piece of glass and blow out my front tube.
I swear, try not to cry, take the MAX to downtown and right into the throngs of Day After Christmas sale monkeys.
Fight my way through crowds, go to gas station, replace tube, and all is well.
OK.
Come out of the club at 3 AM on Saturday... got a goddamned flat in the rear tube.
Luckily Mary is there and she gives me a ride home after I dismantle my bike to fit it into her Prius.
Fix the tube, find the business end of what can only be described as a 3" staple inside of my tire. It was a flawless puncture, went right in with no hemming or hawing.
I wonder what it is that I have done to deserve this.
Tonight, three days after club night, I am riding over the Burnside bridge to meet for a burger party with Mary. I have an actual blowout. My rear tube EXPLODES, scaring the holy hell out of me. I sense metal flapping around my ankles and wonder, as I say "What the FUCK?!?!?!", if I had popped all of my spokes. If I did then this would be the second time, and I am out $35 for a new rim, AGAIN.
The blast is so formidable that the bike actually kicks a few degrees sideways and I half expect to flip over.
I stop, look down, and see a 4" nail sticking out of my tire. I pull it out and look at it in disbelief.
Really?! A NAIL!
I throw it down onto the ground so that I can run it over again in three days.
Walk to the Slo Bar, eat a burger, get ANOTHER ride home, and fix the cur'sed thing.
Really, what in the hell is going on?
I blame the rain, to certain degree, for sluicing all of the street garbage to the side and right into the bike lane.
I also blame people who can't seem to drive in the rain and have been crashing into various moving and stationary objects with more frequency. It would appear that the police and/or tow truck drivers are not paid to sweep up the glass and shrapnel from said accidents.
It is up to me and my bike tires.
Punk as Heck!
I went to some art auction/ art show the other night in SE Portland. I forgot the name of the place but as such things are prone to doing, a lot of the art was "Meh."
BUT, in one corner up high on the wall by the beer person were a lot of classic fliers. Everyone from DRI, MDC, RKL, and the Exploited were represented. It was a hell of a lot better than any of the art that was for sale. In fact, I would have been tempted to buy these over anything else that was there.
As it was, they weren't for sale, and the drinks were free (it pays to know people) so I saved my money, got a bit tipsy, and had some nice flashbacks.
7.12.08
5.12.08
Miscellaneous This and That from Around The Ville
NE MLK & Brazzee
Dots, Clinton Street
NW Wilson & 26th
Also NW Wilson & 26th
NW Davis & 21st
Dots, Clinton Street
NW Wilson & 26th
Also NW Wilson & 26th
NW Davis & 21st
4.12.08
Oh Portland...
You're so fucking beautiful and fun! Why can't you not be so goddamned cold and rainy? Is it a test? If it is, I'm gonna fail. Don't push me, I'll run away.
The shot above is the Steel Bridge, shot from the Burnside Bridge. It may have been about 10 degrees this night. I exaggerate, but it was damned cold.
This (above)is the Morrison Street Bridge from the Burnside Bridge. I just ran across the traffic from the north side of the bridge to the south side. Traffic appreciates it when you stand up to it.
I know some people who would use some type of Photoshop thing to get this effect...
...other people would just put the ISO (I just found out how to use this tool in the past 3 months) up to 800, set it on the brige railing, and shake the camera a lot when the shutter is open.
I like keeping it old school.
The shot above is the Steel Bridge, shot from the Burnside Bridge. It may have been about 10 degrees this night. I exaggerate, but it was damned cold.
This (above)is the Morrison Street Bridge from the Burnside Bridge. I just ran across the traffic from the north side of the bridge to the south side. Traffic appreciates it when you stand up to it.
I know some people who would use some type of Photoshop thing to get this effect...
...other people would just put the ISO (I just found out how to use this tool in the past 3 months) up to 800, set it on the brige railing, and shake the camera a lot when the shutter is open.
I like keeping it old school.
1.12.08
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