Are you there God? It’s me, Margaret. I am bored as hell. I have played 67 games of Freecell in the past 2 days while at work. There is nothing, absolutely nothing to do. I know that it sounds great to be able to get paid $12 an hour to sit and twiddle thumbs, listen to the iPOD, drink hundreds of cups of coffee, but really it is driving me overwhelmingly batty. I can’t handle it any more. I realize that by bringing this up, you may be tempted to kill me or someone I love in a particularly hideous fashion, or drop an anvil on my head, or have some maniac run in with a machete and hack one or both of my legs off before taking a bloody, pin-worm infested shit on my face as I lie there bleeding, crying, and cursing you, but that’s not necessary. I was just wondering if you could send some work my way before I completely loose it. Just some POD items, or a Quickturn job… something that will get me to the end of this day. Yesterday I spent 3 hours in a texting discussion with Dr. Avalanche about the merits and facets of Tony Danza’s longevity. I peed 12 times, fell asleep at my desk for what I believe was no more than 2 minutes, though it could have been 2 hours and I doubt anyone would have noticed. I made a fleet of paper airplanes using the templates in Microsoft Word. I walked 3 laps around the warehouse pretending to be looking for something that had no name and in actuality never existed. I wrote an apology e-mail to my sister after she called me a prick in response to a characteristically off the cuff message I sent her about not sending me forwards. I put myself into 4 different moods one after the other just to see if I could (I used the iPOD for motivation: Anger (Unsane), Sadness (The Cure), Happiness (Madness), and Insanity (Boredoms), the final being the easiest considering I’m barely holding on at this point what with all the coffee and inactivity). I feel like one of those otters at the zoo that go nuts and run back and forth in their cage wearing a rut in the concrete floor.
So far today I have checked my e-mail 13 times, made 2 pots of coffee, and gone to the bathroom 4 times (I’ve only been here for 2 hours and 45 minutes). I marked up a printed out spreadsheet with pens and highlighters and opened said spreadsheet so that if anyone comes in I can pretend like I am studiously reworking my inventory list. I have wandered out and read every word in the main and metro sections of the newspaper, which is going to make my lunch break pretty boring. I texted reworked Alabama lyrics to my mom in an attempt to mock her for liking ‘Oakey’ music now after she such a vociferous opponent of it for the first 19 years of my life. She was not amused. Later on in the afternoon I plan to vacuum the insides of the copy machines, as the paper dust has been building up, but I’m waiting for someone to notice I haven’t done anything for hours before I start in the hopes of being able to drag it out until 3:30.
This is killing me…
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3 comments:
dude, do we have the same exact job? i haven't tried vacuuming the copiers yet. we have a man that comes in and does that. he'd be pissed if i took that away from him.
That would be totally weird if we had the same job! Do you spend the first 15 minutes of every morning punching a DocuTech 135 and calling it a ‘cunt-face’? Do you spend roughly 15 hours a month on your knees pulling jams out of the DT 6135 because some so-called charity group wants you to print idiotic stickers for starving children in 3rd world countries? Copy Geeks, UNITE!
yes. that's exactly what i do. the lovely DocuTech. i think i use the term "ass-eyes", rather than "cunt-face", though.
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