Here comes an Obvious Bomb:
Jeff Buckley is a sexy motherfucker.
In fact, even dead the dude is sexier than 90% of the jackoffs I see on any given weekend night of revelry on the town, me being one of those jackoffs.
In fact, Dude is so sexy that if your girl were to run off with him, yeah, you’d want to kick him in the cock, but on a rational level you’d think, “Damn, I can’t blame her. He’s one sexy motherfucker.”
In fact, if I could go back in time right now and had to pick a moment with no time to think about it, with no time to consider past deeds that need undoing, I’d probably go back in time with some water wings and slap him on Buckley’s arms before he went for that final swim.
Sexy.
3.5.09
Thought/Plan/Comment/Idea/Brain Fart of the Day- 5/3/09
If I ended up as a vampire I probably wouldn’t be too keen on killing people…wait a sec, let’s back up a sec.
If I ended up as a vampire I would go out of my way to not fuel the stereotype. No douchy hair/clothes/music tastes/vernacular/florishy hand gestures. No velvet, no dreamy seductions, no pointy leather boots that are rife with buckles.
Main point: I won’t be a douche any more than I already am.
Now back to the original point.
Why is it that no vampires have thought to open up a blood mobile? I’m sure if you find and/or recruit one with some business acumen s/he could juggle the permits and regulations that go along with such a venture. If people can launder millions of dollars in drug money, and write off all manner of ridiculous shit for taxes, and smuggle children and weapons and sex slaves, and have a “massage” parlor that spends $4,000 a month on Kleenex, then SURELY it wouldn’t be too hard to set up a blood mobile and make the blood “disappear.”
Think about it: You get a few likewise squeamish vamps, trick out a motorhome with all the necessities, have some blacked-out sleeping bunks in the back, and BAM!, people are lining up in the Walgreens parking lot to GIVE you blood. No more murder, no more ruined clothes, no more scaring the shit out of people and then stewing in guilt for a week or so after every killing. It’d be effing BRILLIANT! Your smart vamp keeps the papers in line, sets up evening donation runs for people that work during the day, and then you just cruise around the country getting fat with a clear conscious. And if you did get caught and couldn’t eat your way out of the mess, all you’d really get busted for is misrepresentation and ghoulishness. But who cares? You’re a vampire. Hitch a ride on a steamer and leave the state or country until it all blows over.
I’d write a script for the idea but I haven’t been able to find any dilemma to throw into the deal. It’s a perfect plan.
So, you can have that idea, squeamish vampires. It’s my gift to you, but only if you go back, find Corey Haim/Feldman, and finish the job.
If I ended up as a vampire I would go out of my way to not fuel the stereotype. No douchy hair/clothes/music tastes/vernacular/florishy hand gestures. No velvet, no dreamy seductions, no pointy leather boots that are rife with buckles.
Main point: I won’t be a douche any more than I already am.
Now back to the original point.
Why is it that no vampires have thought to open up a blood mobile? I’m sure if you find and/or recruit one with some business acumen s/he could juggle the permits and regulations that go along with such a venture. If people can launder millions of dollars in drug money, and write off all manner of ridiculous shit for taxes, and smuggle children and weapons and sex slaves, and have a “massage” parlor that spends $4,000 a month on Kleenex, then SURELY it wouldn’t be too hard to set up a blood mobile and make the blood “disappear.”
Think about it: You get a few likewise squeamish vamps, trick out a motorhome with all the necessities, have some blacked-out sleeping bunks in the back, and BAM!, people are lining up in the Walgreens parking lot to GIVE you blood. No more murder, no more ruined clothes, no more scaring the shit out of people and then stewing in guilt for a week or so after every killing. It’d be effing BRILLIANT! Your smart vamp keeps the papers in line, sets up evening donation runs for people that work during the day, and then you just cruise around the country getting fat with a clear conscious. And if you did get caught and couldn’t eat your way out of the mess, all you’d really get busted for is misrepresentation and ghoulishness. But who cares? You’re a vampire. Hitch a ride on a steamer and leave the state or country until it all blows over.
I’d write a script for the idea but I haven’t been able to find any dilemma to throw into the deal. It’s a perfect plan.
So, you can have that idea, squeamish vampires. It’s my gift to you, but only if you go back, find Corey Haim/Feldman, and finish the job.
1.5.09
Thought of the Day, 5/1/09
Don’t try to kid yourself. If you’ve ever eaten in a restaurant more than 20 times chances are pretty good you’ve ingested some semen, spit, dandruff, shit, bugs, blood, pus, and/or scabs. People who work in kitchens are human and occasionally have really bad days that cause them to be a bit short-sighted. It’s much like when you get pissed and throw your phone or hit someone or call someone a terrible name and kick them in the baby goblins or kill that hooker because the laughed at your tiny penis. You realize shortly that you acted rashly, but by then it is too late.. the lady at table 4 got the bloody semen in her pasta.
Once you digest that (HA!) we’ll move onto catsup factories and the inevitabilities of rats falling into vats undetected.
Once you digest that (HA!) we’ll move onto catsup factories and the inevitabilities of rats falling into vats undetected.
30.4.09
Thought of the Day
There have been more than a handful of bands doing benefit albums a la “We Are the World” for train wrecks such as Sudan and Uganda and such. This is fine and good. I am just wondering when the rock-a-billy kids are going to get their shit together and start doing benefits for the auto industry.
27.4.09
26.4.09
25.4.09
Springwater Trail Series, pt 3
This is all up the berry bramble slope from the Springwater Trail under the overhang of a small section of the 99E heading south. I have been wanting to get up here for awhile as I could only see a bit from the trail, enough to know that I had to get up there and also that I'd probably be murdered if I went at night as it would appear to be home to folks who I assume aren't keen to unannounced visitors. Remember that movie theater scene in 12 Monkeys where Bruce Willis beats that one guy to death who attacks him and his doctor? This is the outdoor version. At least my mind try to tell me this. Luckily it was uninhabited on this bright sunny beery afternoon.
23.4.09
Rather?
Remember when Dan Rather got jumped and as he was getting punched all he could hear was the attacker saying "What's the frequency, Kenneth?!" Well, if you have a hankering to jump him, maybe you could yell this, though he might just think you mistook him for thee Woodward of Woodward and Bernstein.
How did such a weird fucking event end up as such a shitty REM song?
Springwater Trail Series, pt 1
Good stuff out on the bike path along the river. And this HTB cat doesn't have a very imaginative tag, but the son of a bitch is like Spider Man. I have seen it in some anti-gravity-type locations.
21.4.09
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